Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
