You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
