It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
