i will never coherently bang her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
