eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
