Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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