How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They took my balls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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