When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
