I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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