does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
