I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
