i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
