I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and she was petting her beer can
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
