Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
