I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
