Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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