May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my liver is dry heaving
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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