in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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