You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize