did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
