i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
