So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
