Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
