tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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