i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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