oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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