I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
