I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
