she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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