She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
