I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
