I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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