She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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