just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
