cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
