I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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