You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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