Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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