I think I died a long time ago.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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