Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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