I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
