Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
