His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
