he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
