They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
