At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
