is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
