um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
