i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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