Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
