i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
