i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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