Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
